One of my favourite movies is, Why Did I Get Married by Tyler Perry. In this movie, I learned about something called the 80: 20 rule. The 80:20 rule says that you get 80% of what you want from your spouse in your relationship, but there is 20% that you don’t or will never get. (For some people, the figures could be 90:10 or even 75:25…..it doesn’t really matter…..The point is that you get more of what you want from your spouse, than what you don’t want. For consistency, I’m going to stick with 80:20 for this blog post).
The problem is that instead of being grateful for that 80% we do have, we focus on the 20% we don’t have. This 20% that you are lacking also seems to become more obvious when you are going through a rough period in your relationship. At this point, a person who has that 20% you are pining for, becomes very (perhaps dangerously) enticing. The grass always seems greener on the other side, right?
The problem however with going for this 20% is that you may lose 80% of a good thing. You never know what that other person (as great as their 20% seems) will bring to a relationship. I’ve noticed sometimes that what you see and what you get doesn’t always match. You may see a great 20% in a person and be attracted to that, but you don’t really know what that other person is like. You don’t know what the other 80% is like. And the thing is, you may never really know until you are in a relationship with that person long enough. Sure, there is a chance that they may be better than your current spouse, but there is also a chance that they could be the same or worse. It’s anyone’s guess. It’s a leap of faith, just as it was with your spouse right now.
I don’t believe that there is such a thing as a perfect relationship. As with any relationship, there will be “crap” (for lack of a better word) moments, and at these times it can be very tempting to look outside your relationship. But don’t! Try to focus on the good in your spouse and the positive in your relationship. (Again, easier said than done, I know). To me, it’s better to fight for that 80%, than to lose it (and realize too late what you have lost) because you kept pining over that 20% you don’t have.