Realization #82: Choose to Act Lovingly

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Yet again I start this post by writing, “it’s been a LONG time since I’ve written a post on here!” The last time I blogged was September 2014! Yikes!!

And yet again, with the insistence of my husband I am finally taking a moment to sit down and write!

A few weeks ago, during one of our usual after dinner chats on our patio, my husband asked me if I had written on my blog recently. Sadly, I shook my head.

He pressed on, “why not?”

“Well, I don’t really have much to say anymore… I also have a hard time putting my own realizations into practice”, I added dejectedly.

“So?”, says my ever optimistic husband. “Write about that.”

“But how can I? I should be able to practice what I preach!” I exclaimed.

“Ideally, yes. But you’re human, and since when is any marriage perfect? Everyone makes mistakes in their marriage; everyone’s learning in their marriage; no one has the perfect marriage.”

“I know, but…” I was searching for a retort. But I had nothing. (Darn! I hate it when he’s right! ;)

But my husband was right!

I peruse a lot of marriage websites and read a lot of marriage books. I love learning how to make my marriage even better than it already is. I love knowing that my husband and I are learning more and more about each other and growing closer together as a result.

At the same time, I also fail–often! When the going gets tough, when challenges arise, I  can get stubborn and defensive. Everything I should be doing to amend things flies out the window and I put on my battle armor. (You all know what I’m talking about!)

And then I beat myself up for knowing I should do better! It’s like eating that piece of chocolate cake when you know you are trying to fit into your skinny jeans, that are already too snug I may add!

But guess what; it’s okay. Accept what you’ve done, move on and get back on track.

So I sigh. I shake my head at myself and get back up.

And try again. To do the things I should have done in the first place.

It’s not easy. It takes putting the other person first. It takes being humble. It’s knowing that ultimately my husband and I are on the same team. It’s focusing on us and focusing on the kind of relationship I want to have.

After almost 5 years of marriage – wow!— love, I firmly believe (and contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe) is a choice. You must act lovingly even when you don’t feel lovingly to feel lovingly ! (I’m sure you’ve seen this image below on FB).

This wonderful piece of wisdom is something I remind myself of often. Yes, I struggle to apply it and still will after I hit publish on this post! (I admit it! ;), but it’s one of the best pieces of advice I’ve come across and one that I would like to share with you.

Act first, the feeling will follow after. Choose to act lovingly to your spouse at all times, (and especially at those crappy times), because if you wait for the feeling of love to hit you before you act, well… you may be waiting a long time.

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